When I Was a Child, I Loved To Be Outside….
This is the fifteenth in a series of guest blog posts by up-and-coming author, Suzanne Hersey. Her first book, Faith Food Family, is available now from Iaconagraphy Press!
When I was a child, I loved to be outside. I loved to run with the other kids in the little cul-de-sac where we lived. We climbed trees, coming home covered in pitch from those lovely pines; covered in dirt and in scrapes from wild games of kick-the-can on summer nights. We stayed out until dark, when my Daddy would whistle from the porch and we knew our time was up. I picked up worms, I took small snakes from the hands of the boys that thought to tease me with them. I fed the chipmunks that lived in the big mulch pile in our yard, much to the dismay of my poor Mother. I petted the goats at my Uncle Bob’s farm in Maine and tried endlessly to pet the barn cats that hated humans. I did not bond with the chickens; chickens are mean little bitches. I picked up bugs. I swam in the pool, the ocean; the lake at the camp we went to in the mountains. I played “witches” with my best childhood friend, Patrice. We squished up berries that were likely poisonous and mixed them with muds and teas and pretended they were potions to make the boys love us or to make them go away. (Side note: we never made them eat those berries; no one was harmed in our games.)
As I got older, I found I prefer to be clean, bug free, and not outside in the woods as much. When I had children, you bet I dug in the dirt with them and I let them get dirty and I picked up snakes. If I have grandkids one day, I will do the same. I love nature: I love bird-watching, dragonflies, all creatures feathered, scaled, furry or whatnot. I do not, however, like sleeping outside in a tent; I do not like bugs walking on me uninvited. I have become a boring old grown up.
I have Fairies in my yard. I love them; they include my little Puckwedgies, dark little darlings that will alternately frolic or wreak havoc if they are not happy. I love sitting in my swing in the yard and speaking to them, feeling them; feeding them. It is not easy when you live somewhere that spiders like so much and they like to crawl up your legs, or ticks….I also really am not a fan of bugs with armor.
So how do you live as a Witch, connected to the land, air, sky and all things in between, when you just don’t want nature touching you in creepy ways?
Know your limits and push them the tiniest bit. Sleeping in a tent on a campground is way past my limit. There is just not enough black pepper, spider repellent, and mosquito spray to get me there, but I can lay a blanket down in the yard and look up in the sky. I can walk the trails of the Cranberry Bog near our home and touch trees and mushrooms, kneel down by a Fairy Mound and speak. I need to carry something to dust myself off with; I use DEET free bug spray and I have my Volva staff to defend myself from big hairy spiders. For years, my ex-husband would try to force me to confront my fears by doing things like driving over bridges and making sure I could see right over the edge or “showing me a cool bug”. No one responds well to force and trauma. But I can take baby steps. I may never go camping, but I can manage to be out there.
Protect what you fear. I have made a lot of changes in our home to do what I can to protect the environment. First off, no bug dies if it stays outside and doesn’t try to crawl up my leg. Second, I have switched a lot of products in the house that cannot be recycled or are flat out dangerous. I use natural cleaning products, reusable storage bags, compostable plates and straws, as well as paper straws. We have Yeti cups instead of paper cups. This year, I am starting to garden again; next year, I will be investing in a small Composter. I cannot finance everything at once, but I can move forward, a bit at a time, to be gentle to the outdoors that makes me uncomfortable. If you love something, you fear it less.
Bring a bug buddy. I have a dear friend that fears no creepy crawly. Anytime we go to the zoo, the reptile and spider displays will keep her enthralled for hours. She will rescue me from a stink bug at a moment’s notice. Note: never, ever squish a stink bug in your house; you will just get more stink bugs! They are armored bugs with wiggly antennae and I am terrified of them, so this friend will swoop in and carry them outside, all the while chatting with them. We all need a bug whisperer to teach us to maybe whisper ourselves, now and then.
Allow yourself to laugh. Now that I no longer have a partner that likes to torture me into overcoming my fears, I have one that will laugh with me, not at me, when I squeal in fear. Someone who smiles when my boots squelch in the mud when we are out walking the woods and I laugh, remembering the childhood where I loved that squelch and puddles to jump in.
Find the nature you can relish. I am a beach girl. I love the ocean, as cold as it is year round in New England. I may not dive in up to my neck, but I always go in. I don’t flinch at a fish or seaweed touching my feet. I love the soft wet sand between my toes. I go home covered in sand every time.
Do not compare yourself. Look, I have a lot of friends who embrace the Yurt. They are always outside, always connecting to the land and the Fae and never screaming like a maniac if a spider shows up. I am not them and they don’t need me to be. No one is lesser than another because of their fears. My Puckwedgies live in the ve in our yard; they are wild and free and wander where they wish, including my Hearth. They can come and go as they please, and if I am in the house because it has been raining for days and they feel neglected, in they come. I can feel them, I can see them, and I can cherish them. They annoy the cats, let me know the bird feeders need to be filled, and go about their business. I feel the same way about outdoorsy Witches: I cherish you, so please do not shame those of us that just cannot do it. It is not always a choice to not be able to sleep under the stars.
You can love nature from any view, protect it in huge and little ways, and connect to it in your own way. Be you Witch! Meanwhile, I will check into the hotel and you can hang out in my room where there are no crickets. At least, I hope there are no crickets….
