I Was A Boat On The Sea

It’s the last Wednesday before Samhain as I write this. Some of you may not even know what Samhain is, apart from some cheesy misinterpretation of it in the Halloween film franchise. For starters, it isn’t pronounced Sam-Hain, it’s pronounced Sau-when.  It is a Pagan High Day, but not in the way the popular media would have folks believe.  Modern Pagans don’t go around practicing human (or animal) sacrifices as a part of our festivities, and any apparent “obsession with death” has far more to do with our Ancestors than with wishing anyone presently breathing any sort of ill will.  This is our New Year’s Rite, marking the end of the Light Half of the Year, and the beginning of the Dark Half. That may sound spooky to the uninitiated, too, but the truth couldn’t be farther from that.  Darkness doesn’t mean evil; it means going within. Just as the trees are shedding their leaves right now, preparing for their Winter slumber, Pagans are invited within our Faith to do the same thing through the Winter months: to go within ourselves, and settle any business which might be waiting there. It’s not “naptime” or “hibernation”; it’s a time for deep learning.

Last year, as part of our Samhain Rite, we were invited to each take a phrase from a passage in the Book of Taliesin, and express it in the physical world as it represents us: our deepest Self.  For those unfamiliar with that beautiful piece of poetry, here it is:

I have been a multitude of shapes
Before I attained this form.
I was a slender sword,
I was a droplet in the air;
I was a light of distant stars.
I was a word in writing,
I was a book in my prime.
I was the light of a lantern.
I was a path,
I was an eagle,
I was a boat on the sea,
I was effervescence in drink,
I was a raindrop in a shower.

I chose the line “I was a boat on the sea”.  We were encouraged to express it in art, music, dance, even cooking–whatever form suited us best. Now, one would think, being an artist, that I would’ve run right back to the computer and cranked something out immediately, right?  That didn’t happen. In truth, I’m not quite sure why. I honestly just searched all of my files right now to see if somehow I had, in fact, created something, and I just wasn’t remembering what it was. But, nope. I didn’t.  I’m not entirely sure why. Probably because our focus was shifted at that time towards publishing and Tarot, and getting that off the ground (which it never quite flew).

Last February, however, as we were in the midst of working on our Mermaid Tarot (which will eventually see the light of day, I promise), I created this image for the Five of Cups (Five of Bubbles):

In so many ways at that time in my life, that was my representation of “I was a boat on the sea”. And that forlorn image has continued to very much represent my place in the world as that. Until now.

A boat on the sea can be going somewhere–travelling with a specific purpose–or it can be cut adrift, just aimlessly floating along.  I’ve been the latter for a really long time, just flitting from one thing to the next, and praying to all that’s good and holy that something would work out, one way or another.  We have continually revamped this business in that vein: try something for a little while, and when that thing doesn’t pan out, move on to the next thing.  I’ve spent a lot of time working very hard trying desperately just to be liked, much less have people actually buy stuff.

I’m done revamping. I’ve found my thing, and that thing is digital and hybrid scrap, and I am going to steer this boat in that direction until I run it aground if necessary!  With Samhain upon me once again, I’ve decided to review how, precisely, I am steering this boat.  In truth, it’s been a leaky little vessel for the past few months: I’ve had over 100 downloads of freebies, but hardly any sales. Clearly, folks like my stuff enough to want it cluttering their hard drives, yet when a price tag is attached, they seem to run for the hills.  I’ve decided to patch those leaks by no longer offering freebies at this time. Not to worry: there will be plenty of sales and coupons and perhaps even some Facebook Giveaways, if people seem interested in participating.  But I can’t keep punching holes in my boat with freebies. I’m going to sink if I do, and a boat can go nowhere if it’s lying on the bottom of the ocean.

I am so blessed to have each and every one of you along with me on this journey, and I hope you’ll continue to sail with me as I steer this boat in some exciting new directions. I’ve made a new friend, and with her incredibly gracious help, I hope we’ll be able together to “set a course for the third star to the right”, as Peter Pan said, “and sail straight on until morning!”