Freyja: On The Rocks
This is the eighth in a series of guest blog posts by up-and-coming author, Suzanne Hersey. Her first book, Faith, Food, Family, will be available from Iaconagraphy Press in Spring of 2019!
My relationship with Freyja had a rocky start. It is never easy to share your soulmate with another; especially with another woman, even of the deified variety. I am Fulltrua of Heimdall and Tyr and in general have an easier time in relationships with men, rather than women. That is not to say that I don’t have a group of amazing female friends who are loving and supportive, but I have had some women in my life in the past who dished out some serious and at times catty, vicious abuse. One of my rockiest relationships is with one of my biological sisters: we are civil and I do love her, but I would not call her friend. I cannot share my deepest secrets with her, and we just don’t see the world through the same lenses. That is my baggage to leave on the side of the road, however. I have some girlfriends that I call sister: I trust and embrace them; I love them, and I cherish them. Having Freyja become a sister was tough. She is a loving and beautiful Goddess. She watches over our cats–our fur-babies–and She is there to guide and at times push my beloved in his faith practice, writing, and life in general. It is a bit weird having another woman so intimate with the one you lay in bed with every night. He is Fulltrui to Her, so our home is Her home.
My hearth is an open one to the Living, the Dead, and the Gods. If you stop by for a visit, a meal, or a sugar-filled pick-me-up, bring your Gods and Goddesses along, because all who mean no harm are welcome in our home. Freyja spends a lot of time in our kitchen. I spend a lot of time planning meals and baked goods around Her loves and desires, because She is a support-giver here. It hasn’t been easy. I really am not a jealous woman, but it took a while to accept that She is a sister to my beloved Connla, and not always gentle. Once I got there, She made Herself known in many ways. I often walk the aisles of the grocery store, feeling Her prod me to certain purchases, specifically in the produce and floral departments. I will come home from shopping and simply hand over a bunch of flowers or a container of strawberries and say to my love: “Freyja is not a cheap date; these are for you to give to Her.” I blot the Goddess in our little ve outside, leaving Her treats that are safe for the local wildlife. I leave fresh flowers on the outdoor altar that is specifically Hers. I speak with Her, confide in Her, and let Her know when my love is hurting or out of sorts.
Lately, my love has struggled: the behavior and rhetoric in much of the Heathen community has taken a toll on his physical and mental well-being. He has honestly been pissy with the Goddess as of late, and She has come down on me every step of the way for it. If he is not going to listen, She is going to bash me over the head on a daily basis to get him back to where She knows he needs to be. When I don’t know how to meet his needs, She is there to give me a nudge. I have come to cherish every nudge, head bash, and visit in my dreams. The greatest gift Freyja gives to me is Her unbending love for my beloved. Her forgiveness and strength are a constant reminder that I, too, must forgive his little mistakes. I must love him always, because not despite, who he is. She is in some ways a sister-wife, shouldering the pain and heartache when I cannot stand up to it. I have not oathed to Her, nor to Her brother, Freyr, who has visited me quite a bit lately, but I am grateful that our Gods and Goddesses walk beside us every day and in every way. They are not sitting in some far-off space among the clouds, simply looking down and moving us like chess pieces. They are here to listen, to ask; to push us. It is a great comfort to know that She will never betray me, because the Gods and Goddesses do not betray us, as we so often do Them.
